


I'm Not In Love - Chris Evans x You

by captainofherheart



Category: Chris Evans - Fandom
Genre: Anxious Chris Evans, F/M, captainofherheart, chris evans angst, chris evans rpf, chris evans x reader insert, chris evans x y/n - Freeform, chris evans x you - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 04:50:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16758271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainofherheart/pseuds/captainofherheart
Summary: Chris learns the hard way that sometimes you don't realize what you've got ...until it's gone





	I'm Not In Love - Chris Evans x You

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the song "I'm Not In Love" by 10CC. Warning for language and angst

She wasn’t answering the phone. She wasn’t returning his texts. Chris got in his car and drove past her place. Her car was in the driveway. It was the proof he needed to confirm that she was ignoring him. Or avoiding him. Either way, it was starting to get under his skin.

\--------

For years now, you and Chris had been having a “thing,” for lack of a better term. You'd been friends and neighbors growing up then, over time, had become lovers. Many would have used the term “friends with benefits,” but it just didn’t feel right. Probably because you viewed him as more than a friend by this point. You had grown incredibly close over the years and knew each other probably better than anyone else did. As soon as he would come into town you were one of the first to get a message, and vice versa. And yet, whenever you’d tried to broach the subject of becoming something more, something serious, and tried to see if you were the only one with stronger feelings he would just shut down. 

You knew Chris wanted to settle down at some point, have a family, stability, yet he just wasn’t ready. Or maybe it was just that he wasn’t ready to do that with you, regardless of how close you were. You hated the thought of that, of having invested so much of your time and your heart in him only to have him show up one day with another woman. It made you feel physically ill when you knew he was dating someone else. 

The problem was, neither of you was getting any younger, and _you_ _were_ ready. You were tired of being his side piece, tired of having to pretend that you weren’t completely and unreasonably in love with the guy. But you had to let that go. When you found out through his mom he was coming home and would be here in Boston for a while for a movie shoot, you decided the time had come to put your own needs forward. 

Your heart couldn’t take another round of love me and leave me. 

\---------------

Chris drove around in circles for a while through the neighborhood. He soon realized that it wasn’t as aimless a drive as he thought it was. He was going past places that meant something to him. 

Places that reminded him of her. 

Restaurants they frequented, the park where they played as kids, and had their first kiss when they were older. That dark, secluded road where they’d pulled over one night for a quick tryst when they just couldn’t wait another minute to touch each other. The movie theater, the playhouse….her ghost was everywhere. The shopping center parking lot where they’d had their first big fight and she’d stormed out of his car and walked home. He still regretted the way he’d handled things that night, but he was a hot head back then. 

The sense of loss he’d felt that night pulled at his chest now. Getting her back after fight had not been easy, but she was worth it. They were worth it. 

They? That word swirled around his brain, over and over. What were “they?” He’d never wanted a label, always kept her at arm’s length. Why? 

_ Because, you fucking meatball, you know she could be “the one” and that thought terrifies the shit out of you.  _

He’d had girlfriends, had played the field. There was always one common argument with all of them. They couldn’t compare to her, in one way or another, and once they realized that was the issue holding him back the relationship would inevitably fall apart. Chris knew they were right, knew his mom and siblings were right when they would harp on him about her, but he did nothing. He was comfortable with the way things were and didn’t want to rock the boat. She’d always be there. 

Except now. It had been two days. The last few times he’d tried to call she’d sent him straight to voicemail. The voicemail was now full. 

\-------------------

Knowing that Chris was about to come home, you went to his mom’s house for coffee one afternoon and let her know what your plan was. You didn’t want her to be blindsided, she’d always been one of your biggest cheerleaders, but she also understood the position you were in. You went up to Chris’s room to get a few things you had left there, wanting to remove the “I have something of yours” excuse from even being an option. 

You never expected to find several photographs of yourself in there. Other than his family, yours was the only other one in a frame and tacked to his old corkboard. You grabbed your items and hightailed it out there. Lisa had told you things over coffee that made you doubt your decision, seeing those pictures backed up everything she said. But it didn’t matter if everyone else knew that Chris loved you, not if he would never admit it or take the next step himself. No, you had to stay strong and draw the line in the sand. 

If only that sand was drawn further away from the tide, it would be easier to avoid it getting washed away. God damn was he persistent. Every time your phone rang or a message buzzed you would fight back tears, not always successfully, but you stayed firm in your conviction. If you weren’t enough for him, then he wasn’t worth your time. Maybe someday you could be friends again, but you had to make this break now, before he broke you anymore. 

\-----------------------

Chris had parked his car down the block and had sat there, deliberating what to do, for close to an hour. He kept watching the house, saw her shadow as she moved around inside. He opened his door dozens of times, even stepped out of the car a few and started walking to knock on her door, only to let his anxiety and nerves get the best of him and quickly walk back to the safety of his automobile. Ultimately, he decided to go back to his mom’s and try to figure out a new game plan in the morning. 

With some pent up anger, he slammed the side door open, which led directly into the kitchen, startling the hell out of his mother. One look at her eldest son’s face was enough to know he needed to talk, so she bit her tongue and, instead of chastising him, Lisa invited him to join her at the kitchen table. 

He told her what was going on and she listened with both her ears and her heart. She hated to see him struggling like this, but she knew it was necessary if he was ever going to open his eyes and grow up. 

“Christopher, why don’t you just go back there, knock on the door and tell her, ‘I’m sorry it’s taken this long, but I’m an asshole, and I love you. I always have.'”

Chris had been looking down at the his hands on the table, but he spun his face towards her so fast at those words that he nearly gave himself whiplash.

“Are you nuts? I can’t do that.”

“Why not? It’s the truth isn’t it?”

“I’m not in love. I’m not.”

“Who are you trying to convince here? Me or you? If it’s me, save your breath, I know better.”

“What makes you think I am?” he asked. His face had a lost look to it, but was also a face of someone searching for confirmation.

“You wouldn’t be this distraught over her giving you up if you weren’t.”

“Giving me up? What do you mean? What does that mean?”

Lisa told him about the visit and conversation. She didn’t sugarcoat it. He needed to know that his actions had led to this, and his next move would dictate whether or not she was ever back in his life.

She stood up from the table, planted her hand on his shoulder and gave his temple a soft kiss. “You do what’s right for you, Chris. Just make sure you’re making the decision with your heart and your head, not with your pride. Goodnight.” With that, she left him alone with his thoughts at the table, and there were a hell of a lot of them.

Chris knew it was late, but he couldn’t wait until the morning, too afraid that he’d chicken out. His mother was right, as usual. Now he had to see if he could convince her to give him another chance. A real chance.

\---------------------

It was a little after one in the morning when you were woken up by the doorbell and knocking on the door. You phone was also chiming, and you looked over at it to see the call was coming from Chris. A quick peek outside showed you his car parked in your driveway. 

You opened the door and kept your face as neutral as possible, unsure as to exactly why he was making such a dramatic visit at this hour of the night. He braced his arm in the doorway, his eyes glistening, face tight. 

‘I’m sorry it’s taken this long, but I’m an asshole, and I love you. I always have.'”


End file.
